I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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