Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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