I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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