I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
