Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You took a bar mat shot.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Drunk is not a location!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
