At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
