Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
