our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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