Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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