SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
