I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
