rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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