Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize