I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
