i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
