THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
