Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
