I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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