remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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