Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
