dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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