remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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