if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm jealous of your bromance
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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