I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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