Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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