think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
