I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize