after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
