just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
