The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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