I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
