just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize