Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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