Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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