I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
