You don't have asthma, your pregnant
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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