There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
