So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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