At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
