Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
