Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
