My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
