I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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