Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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