She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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