sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
