I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
