I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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