What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
