cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
