you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
