When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
