It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
