I think i peed on brittanys purse
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
