just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
