we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
