Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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