I'll bet she douches with gravy.
where am i from again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
