I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize