Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
