I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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