all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
