Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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