Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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